..except it’s not. It’s actually pretty warm for a Michigan winter. Sure we’ve had cold days and some snow, but nothing like the winters of my childhood. I know to some extent the memories have blurred and I’ve glorified them a bit, yet I remember getting multiple snow days in elementary school and having crazy accumulation. My sisters and I used to bundle up and play outside for hours, building igloos and having snow wars. I know that kids still do that, but for me it’s not the same any more. I’ve been thinking a lot about age and growing up lately. I don’t necessarily want to go back and do it all over, but I still pine for the glory days. I’m back in college and sometimes I can’t help but wonder if I should have gone away to school. It’s not that I wasn’t accepted, or couldn’t afford it, I was just scared. I wouldn’t change anything about the years I should have been in school, because it gave me life experience. If I had gone away I wouldn’t have met my husband. I wouldn’t have traveled cross-country on a whim, or gone to Europe. Those experiences have undoubtably changed my life, I feel more grounded, serious, real than I did then. Sometimes I miss the spontaneity of those days. The excitement of the unknown and the comfort of friends. My friends came from my little subculture and for a long time that was fine. Now I’m not sure, as we’ve grown up and drifted away from the scene I’ve lost touch with many people who I once considered best friends. I often feel like I don’t know how to relate to people from outside the subculture, yet I have no desire to immerse myself back in to it. I am a fully functioning member of society, able to interact and engage other people, yet I don’t know how to make friends. That’s what makes me regret not going to college, many people who I know have these crazy long lasting friendships with their college roommates. I’m envious of that type of bond, life-long friendships are not something to be taken lightly. I have friends, many who I’ve know for a long time, but sometimes they feel hollow. As if all that holds us together are shared memories. While there’s much to be said for that, it’s not everything. I miss the days when I thought I knew everything and wasn’t worried about the future, like those elementary school snow days when the only thing on my mind was the hot chocolate waiting for me inside and those hope-filled late teen years when I felt invincible.
I have a problem
I attract stray dogs like its my job.
Unfortunately it’s not.
In 2009 I found and successfully re-homed three dogs.
Two of whom showed up on my front porch (literally).
One who showed up at my husband’s job.
I have number four right now.
I found her on Christmas Eve, wandering the home depot parking lot.
She was malnourished, her nipples engorged, and was attempting to leave with every person who parked in the lot.
I called the humane society and animal control, but both were closed because of the holiday. (See I’m trying not to bring them home!!)
She doesn’t get along with my dogs, but she is a great dog.
I’ve been trying to find a home for her without much luck.
I’ve contacted fifteen shelters/rescue groups and everyone is full.
Its frustrating, but I guess word of mouth is the only way I’m going to find a home for her.
She will be a great companion for someone, all she’s looking for is a best friend.
If you’ve never owned a dog, you’re really missing out.
My dogs are the best companions I’ve ever had.
All you need to give them is love, food is good too, but all they need to be the best friend you’ll ever have is love.
There is nothing like coming home to a house full of love.
My dogs are happy to see me, no matter what.
They sense when you’re sad.
I feel lame to say it, but I’m lucky to have my dogs.
If anyone is thinking about getting a dog, you should come meet her.
All I want for her is a home where she is loved and treated well.
She’s had a hard life and deserves the best from here on out.
I clearly remember learning about getting my period when I was in fifth grade. We were taught about how our hair was going to get greasy, we were going to get acne, and blood was going to flow from our vaginas every month for the foreseeable future. I was horrified. I knew in my heart of hearts that getting my period was going to mean my life was over.
The following year we learned about penises and baby making. We asked anonymous questions. We learned about penises, sperm, and egg fertilization. Birth control was taboo, as I went to school in a district with an abstinence only policy.
One afternoon during sex ed we were discussing penises as per usual. For some reason our teacher handed us a large penis model to circulate around the room. It was big and rubbery and not unlike a dildo cut in half.
I sat in the back row, next to my neighbor, Dana. She was a hard ass, as hard as you can get in the lily white suburb we grew up in, and had probably seen a penis in real life and most likely touched it. I on the other hand wouldn’t see a penis in real life or touch one for another four years. I gave the rubber model a cursory once over and passed it to Dana.
She was the last in the row. In front of her sat Claire. Claire was a loser. I was too, but I had a few friends, a sense of humor, and did not stick holes in Kleenex, stick my finger through, pick my nose during class, and then deny it. Shannon was in front of Claire. Dana called out to Shannon, who turned around. She then tossed the penis model to her. Unaware of what was going on, Claire turned around just as Dana threw the penis and caught it in her mouth.
SHE. CAUGHT. THE. PENIS. MODEL. IN. HER. MOUTH!! She must have opened her mouth to say something, or yawn, or eat her booger at the precise moment the penis was being lobbed in over her shoulder. She gave the rubber penis model a BJ.
Dana and I clutched each other, laughing so hard tears ran down our cheeks. Even if I didn’t understand at the time exactly why it was so funny.
I’ve been back from my vacation less than a week and I’ve had a pounding headache all day. Such is life I suppose. Our trip was great. My husband and I spent a week in Puerto Rico. Beaches, rainforest, history…. I could go on and on. I had a realization about myself while we were away. I’m not sure if its good or bad, but recognizing it is the first step. I sound like an freaking addict. I’m not! I swear. Well, maybe to these delicious ginger chews that I can’t stop shoveling in my guzzle. What I realized is that for the first time a long time, maybe even years, I wasn’t worried about what I should be doing, I was living fully in the moment. I hadn’t recognized how disconnected I’ve been from my life. I’m going to take steps to seize each moment more fully and stop stressing out about what I’m not. When I let all of that go, I’m happier, more relaxed, and better capable of handling my own life. Easier said then done, but I want to be more connected so I’m going to try. This is not a New Year’s Resolution, its just a moment of clarity that happened to coincide with the new year.